Nightmares

Every night I am tormented by nightmares.
Nightmares of my husband,
Nightmares of being alone,
Nightmares of being abandoned,
Nightmares of not being good enough.

Every night I wake up at 2 or 3 or 4, and I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so tired.... yet all I can see is his face.

I am moving past wanting him back. I think to myself, when is the last time you were happy? When is the last time that you really felt good about yourself when you were around your husband?

The answeris.... so long ago I cannot remember.

I spoke with an old friend last night for almost two hours. I had the best time talking to someone that I've had in... I don't know, years I think for sure... how many I am not sure.
Why didn't I have that with my husband anymore?
Well, I didn't, and that's all that matters.
I had to leave my home and spend time with other people to enjoy myself, to have fun, to laugh, to reall trully laugh, and feel wanted.